What if we would follow our souls calling? A spiritual awakening journey entry.

When will we stop pushing our hearts desires away? Stop pushing away what our souls have been longing for?

When will we start follow that call. That inner voice that has been talking to us all throughout our lives. The same voice we’ve told to shut up a million times, have muted and pushed away. The voice that no matter how often we slam the door shut on still continues to whisper through the cracks. When will we surrender to it? When will we stop listening to what everyone else says, stop following societies rules or invisible expectations of what someone else or we ourselves think our lives should look like based on programs we’ve been raised on? When will we stop surviving in fight or flight and start living our lives? 

I had a nervous breakdown yesterday. I was so on edge that I told my family about it which I normally don’t do. I’m more the suffer in silence and turn to meditation type normally but this was different. I felt broken beyond repair. No solution in sight.

Drowning in my own limiting beliefs and fears. Money related mostly in this case. 

Even now writing this I have lavender essential oil rubbed all over my body, a stress relief blend in my diffuser, drinking a mix of nervous system herbs to calm me down. I am so beyond grateful for my sweet plant spirit allies that always show up when I need them most like the lavender plant I crossed paths with on my walk today but I digress.

One of the many things my stepdad said to me yesterday that stuck with me was you can either live your life or live the reoccurring thought. Meaning when you choose to believe the thoughts you think they will become your reality. You can focus on those thoughts of worry, despair, doubt, guilt, shame, etc. or you can stop giving them so much meaning, so much weight and start to live your life to the fullest. At first you might think well that doesn’t work but let me give you an example. When your bank account is maxed out and you do not know how to pay your bills you can sink into a spiral of desperation, one that seems hopeless. Or you can go into the mode of well it is what it is what can I do to get out of here? Universe show me ways, show me opportunities. What happens is you will open yourself up to all that is possible instead of close yourself off drowning in despair. Your bank account doesn’t change but your energy does. So what we think truly matters as it is the compass that leads us down different directions depending on where our head is at. That’s what is meant by we create our own realities. My stepdad put it so perfectly when he said your thoughts are like puppies you need to train them or they’ll rip your house apart. 

By now I've learned that those breakdowns, no matter how hard they are, are breakthroughs in our inner healing and spiritual awakening journey. They always lead us closer to the life we want to live even if we might not see it like that straight away. They are so necessary though as they bring up subconscious beliefs and blind spots that now want to be brought to light and they only come up when we are ready to look at them, dive in and resolve them.

Publishing this means so much more to me than anyone could ever realise. It means setting myself free. Free from all I’ve ever been told. Free from all outside opinions and advice. Free from the noise. Finally giving myself permission to do simply not because of hoping there would be an outcome but because I enjoy doing it so so much. I love writing. I wanted to start a blog for as long as I can remember. Always saw myself writing a book eventually. This is just the Introduction. The beginning of me breaking out of the cage I locked myself in for way to long in hopes that one day my experiences will help someone else out there free them from theirs as this life is too sweet to not enjoy it fully.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. xx Alice